


we made these memories for ourselves

by larrystomlinsons



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Famous Louis, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Regular Harry, Smut, a little bit, its TERRIBLE smut though don't read it for the smut, not lots though it's just pretty fluffy, some peter pan references, sooooo read it i guess if you want, this is super short im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 18:27:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1993221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrystomlinsons/pseuds/larrystomlinsons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis meet at a wedding when they're kids. The rest is history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we made these memories for ourselves

**Author's Note:**

> Hii!  
> So this is my first time actually finishing a fic so I'm really just posting this for your general feedback. I really hope you guys enjoy it! 
> 
> I'm not british so I apologize if this isn't well-written brit but... it's still a story for you hehe! 
> 
> It's pretty short. 
> 
> I also apologize if there are any typos or run-on sentences. I've read through this a couple of times, but you can never be 100% sure. 
> 
> DISCLAIMERS***  
> I (sadly) do not own One Direction or anybody mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction and I don't want this getting back to anyone in or associated with 1d. So please, don't share this and don't read it either if you know them, please. 
> 
> Last but not least, feel free to come talk to me on tumblr if there are any questions/comments/concerns. [nauticalcouple.tumblr.com] 
> 
> Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy!  
> Kelsey xx

_Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes_

_But it's the only thing that I know_

_When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes_

_It is the only thing that makes us feel alive_

 

 

**_ages 5 and 8_ **

Harry's never been to a wedding before, so he thinks it's silly that the grown ups call it a 'really special day' when there isn't even anyone _his age_ to play with. It's stupid, is all.

"Mommy, Harry's pouting again." Gemma says, sounding completely whiny.

"There's nobody to play with!" he cries in defense. Stupid Gemma.

"That's it." Anne sighs, standing up from her chair at the table where they're seated. "Come with me. I'm taking you back home." 

Finally, he thinks. Harry'd much rather stay at home and eat the last banana by his new pool than watch old people talk for _ages_ about old people stuff. Harry and Gemma both grab their jackets and follow their mom across the room towards the doors. 

"Where do you think you're going?" a new, high pitched voice stops them.

It's a boy! He looks a little bit older than Harry but young enough to want to go to the park and play with him hopefully. 

He has thin blue eyes and that spiked hair that all the boys in Gemma's year have. Harry thinks he's really pretty. 

"Louis!" Anne says, a wide smile plastered on her face. "I didn't know you were here." 

Louis giggles and crosses his little arms across his chest. It puts a smile on Harry's face.

"Well duh, it's me mommy's wedding. Why wouldn't I be here?" he says through laughs.

Harry's mom grins at that and ruffles her hand through Louis' hair.

"Of course, you silly goose. I just forgot you'd be here. Wanna meet my children?" she says, endeared.

"Not really. I already know Gemma." then he spots Harry. "But who's the curly one?" he whispers. "Is he adopted? His hair looks different from yours."

"Louis!" the bride hisses as she covers Louis' mouth. Harry thinks that must be his mom. "I am so sorry Anne, he's out of control sometimes." 

"No no, that's okay!" Anne assures. "I was just going to ask Louis if he wanted to play with Gemma and Harry."

Harry really wants to play with Louis. He's funny. 

"Please mommy? Can I please go play with Louis?" Harry begs.

"No Harry you're only five. Five year olds shouldn't play with eight year olds." Gemma says. 

That's when Harry starts to cry. His mommy should ground Gem, she knows how sensitive Harry is but she still purposely tries to hurt his feelings. Harry feels a gentle hand on his shoulder and looks up to find the the glorious blue eyes of Louis. Harry gets a funny feeling in his stomach when he looks at him, almost like there are butterflies in there.

"I would love to play with you, Hazza." he says. 

"It's Harry." Harry corrects.

"I like Hazza better."

Harry pauses and really takes a look at Louis. "You're like Peter Pan." 

Louis smiles. "Well I say we become best friends and never stop until forever ends!" 

Harry giggles at that. "Now I think you _are_  Peter Pan!"

 

The three play end up a really cool game at the park called 'grounder' that Louis introduces to them. Unfortunately, Harry and Gemma's grandpa ruins the fun and takes the siblings home after only an hour of fun. Louis gives each Harry and Gemma a hug before they leave and that basically makes the young boy's night. 

Harry does not stop bragging about Louis for the entire car ride home. 

 

 

_**ages 7 and 10** _

"Robin, can you call the babysitter?" Harry hears his mom yell. Him and Gemma's heads both shoot up. 

They don't like the babysitter very much. Her name is Tina; she doesn't let them eat crisps past 6 o clock and makes them go to bed really early. So neither of them ever look forward to the days where she shows up.

"Where are you going anyways?" Gemma says. 

"Bowling with Louis' parents." Anne answers.

"Well who's watching Louis?" 

"I think his nan is." 

The mention of Louis is like music to Harry's ears; Harry adores Louis to the ends of the earth because they get on so well. Louis doesn't treat Harry like a seven year old, he treats him like an equal to himself. Besides, he's very cute, funny and nice so Harry's parents never mind having the kid around. In fact, they love having him around because it gets Harry out of their hair.

On second thought, Harry loves Louis' nan. One time, she brought Harry and Louis to the zoo and let them pet the wild animals, so Harry lights up like a Christmas tree when his mum says she's watching Louis. 

"Can't we just go to Louis' then? I could play barbies with baby Lottie again if it means getting out of that bloody babysitter." Harry jumps up and runs to his mum right then. 

"Yes, mommy." Harry pipes up. "Please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeease?"

Anne takes a moment to consider it and then rolls her eyes. 

"Fine." she sighs. "But only on one condition: you don't hide from me when I come and get you like the last time you went over." 

At this point, Harry will agree to anything. 

"Yes mommy thank you!"

But he won't make any promises. He and Louis are best friends, after all. It's normal for him to want to stay after a super fun day together!

 

Harry and Louis watch Peter Pan _twice_ that night and built forts. They vow to make Friday Night Movie Night their weekly tradition.  (They solemnly swear and everything!) 

 

_**ages 10 and 12** _

Harry decides that making new friends isn't very fun. He's pretty content with his state of friendship with Louis, so why should he bother making new friends? The thing is, Harry is a lot younger than Louis and this year, Louis' in secondary school , meaning he has left Harry all alone to rot in the pile of kids at school that aren't as cool as him! Harry doesn't think that's fair, is all. 

But Louis' different; he's got a lot of friends, from what Harry's noticed. He is so outgoing and funny that everyone likes being around him. Harry on the other hand, is the opposite. He'd much rather read stories inside instead of playing footie with all the kids at recess. Everyone in Harry's grade _know_ that.

Which is why it's very strange that Niall, his very popular acquaintance is inviting Harry to his Back to School party when they haven't even ever had a solid conversation. Harry's pretty sure he looks ridiculous, with his jaw slack and eyes wide. But really? Harry to a party? 

"Come on, Harry." he says. "It'll be so fun! All of the older kids are gonna be there too!" 

"I don't know Niall. I've never been to a party. I'm only ten!" Harry stresses. 

Niall huffs out a laugh. 

"It's not really a party." he rolls his eyes. "It's just a get-together, with orange juice and popcorn! We can even go steal some of my brother Greg's movies!"

Now that sounds fun to Harry. Only he doesn't want to be all alone at a big kid party! And what does Niall mean by the older kids? The eleven year olds? He's certain the high schoolers won't want to come to Niall Horan's party and hang out with a big group of little ones.

"I'll think about it." Harry says. 

He starts to walk away from his locker and then stops in his tracks. 

"When is it again?" he continues. 

"It's next Friday. Bring your favorite movies and snacks too!" Niall shouts, sounding happy as ever. 

"Um, alright!" Harry waves goodbye. 

This is bad. Really bad. Harry might have just kind of sorta agreed to go to a party that's held on the same night as his and Louis' movie night! He has to fix this. Immediately. 

 

Harry and Louis live just down the street from each other, so they're always breaking into each other's houses. (Well, not really. They have keys to each other's houses.) But weirdly enough, the one time that Harry actually needs said key, it isn't in his bag. 

He's standing on Louis' porch on the same night as his encounter with Niall trying to get into the Tomlinson household. Suddenly, the door opens and reveals just who he's come to see. 

"Hazza!" Louis says, a sweet smile on his face as he looks down at his best friend. "I thought I heard someone outside!"

"Yeah, I was just trying to find my key." Harry says. "I couldn't, obviously." 

"Harry." Louis shakes his head. "The door was unlocked, you absolute knob. You could have just walked in! I wouldn" 

"Oopsie?" Harry suggests, pushing past the older boy and inside the house. "You alone tonight?" 

Louis is leaning against the door-frame. He's wearing his football jersey from his school's team, and Harry didn't know Louis made the team. That must have been today, then. 

"Yeah, mom and dad are at the parent-teacher meeting for Lottie tonight." 

"Ah, I see." pause. "So I might have done something bad." 

Louis' eyes widen and he rushes to Harry quickly. 

"What? Did someone hurt you? Was it a fight?" Louis says, scanning Harry's entire body. "If they did I'll fight them. Oh my God." 

Louis is having a proper strop about this now, worried about Harry. Harry secretly loves when Louis gets over-protective of him. It makes him feel safe and cared for, and that's an amazing feeling. But at this moment, Harry isn't going to humor Louis. This is a serious problem. 

"I can't come to movie night this Friday." Harry closes his eyes, not wanting to see the possible hurt reaction from Louis. 

See, movie night is a literal tradition for them. Neither of the boys have missed the occasion for the world. Even when Harry's family went on vacation to Peru that one year, Harry'd begged to stay at home with Louis so that they could do movie night. 

Opening one eye, Harry discovers that Louis isn't even angry, he just looks kind of confused. 

"Wait, were you invited to Niall Horan's party? That kid's in your class, right?" Louis asked, hand resting lightly on Harry's shoulder. 

"Y-yeah." Harry breathes. "But like, I don't think I have to go but I might have told him that I'd think about it without realizing it was on a Friday." 

Louis starts to chuckle. 

"Oh, Harold." He laughs. "I was invited too, to go with Zayn and Liam from school, but I wasn't gonna show up. If you wanna go I'll gladly go with you." 

Harry smiles. Maybe they weren't actually going to do movie night, but they'd still have a sleepover afterwards so it'd just be a modified version of their tradition. Plus, Niall did say there'll be movies. 

"That sounds amazing!" Harry says, capturing the older boy in a long embrace. 

Friday will be great, Harry thinks. 

 

Friday is not great so far. Louis isn't even paying much mind to Harry, excluding when they walked in earlier. He's currently laughing and hanging out with these two new guys who Harry _assumes_ are Zayn and Liam. The only attention Harry's getting is from Molly, the prettiest and most popular girl in his year.. Harry doesn't even like Molly very much.; at least not in that way that all of the other boys do. They're literally talking about nail polish and as much as Harry is intrigued, he just wants to hang out with Louis and meet all of his friends.

As if on queue, Niall stands up on the sofa and announces: "Everybody here please make your way to the carpet, we're gonna play truth or dare!" 

Louis stands up from his seat with his shiny new friends (including some blonde girl that Harry hadn't noticed earlier) and sits on the carpet without even acknowledging Harry. Not even a wave, a look, nothing.

Two can play at that game, Harry thinks. Harry goes up to Niall and gives him a bear hug, making sure Louis' watching. 

"You're the best-est, Niall!" he says very loudly. "Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I really appreciate it." Niall beams and hugs Harry back. Truthfully, Harry's definitely heard of Niall and they've exchanged 'hellos' once or twice before, but they aren't nearly close enough to even be considered friends. But, Niall soaks up the attention, being the supper affectionate kind of guy he is, and plays along. Much to Harry's advantage, of course. 

Harry looks back, Louis seems confused and a little annoyed. Mission accomplished. 

When everyone is sat in the middle at last, Harry realizes just how little amount people there are at this gathering. There are only about 10 of them, he counts. 5 boys and 5 girls. 

The truth or dare game starts pretty sensationally with Perrie Edwards prank calling her teacher. They all have a good laugh at that. Harry was dared to kiss Molly on the lips and he does. It's nothing special, and it hadn't even lasted a second. 

Then it's Louis' turn and he picks truth, looking mildly uncomfortable about what just happened. Niall asks Louis who the cutest person in the room is, raising his eyebrows and winking at him. 

Louis starts to blush and Zayn and Liam keep teasing him, making him squirm. 

"Hannah!" Zayn and Liam poke at Louis until he bursts into a fit of giggles. 

"Yeah, for sure it's Hannah." Louis says after a while, looking at that blonde who's been practically hanging off of him the entire night. 

And well, Harry doesn't get jealous-he really doesn't. Except he does and it's really noticeable, because Molly asks him what's 'gotten into him'. But Harry shouldn't be jealous of Hannah, the pretty, fit, charismatic, funny girl that Louis' infatuated with. It's not normal, right? 

Harry calms himself down by thinking of Peter Pan, blanket forts and cuddling to sleep. It works. 

 

_**ages 11 and 13** _

When Harry turns eleven, he starts to realize how different he is from all of his friends. They're all getting dates this Valentines Day, but Harry doesn't even have a crush on any of the girls in his class. Plus, he realizes that Valentines Day falls on a movie night so he'll be spending all that time with the one person he actually wants to be with.

But when Harry starts to really think about it, Louis' been dating that Hannah girl for quite a bit a time now. He probably wants to spend movie night with her, but Harry's confident that won't happen since V day's on movie night.

Louis' girlfriend seems very nice, but she treated Harry like an absolute baby the last time she'd seen him. Pinching his cheeks and calling him 'cutie' was a stretch. 

On Valentine's night, Harry shows up at Louis' with a box of chocolates and a 'Happy Valentines Day, Bro' card. The only problem is: Hannah's there. She's the one who answers the door. 

"Oh, Harry's here!" she calls out as she lets him in. 

"Hi Hannah." Harry says, disappointed. "Sorry for showing up, I didn't know you guys had plans."

"Oh no sweetie. Don't you worry. Lou made sure he could have plans with the both of us tonight! It's still movie night for you guys but a date for me and him." Harry hates that she calls him Lou. That's  _Harry's_ nickname for him. 

Whatever, if Harry had to be the third wheel, he'd be the third wheel. 

 

The night turned out to be pretty okay, except for the fact that Louis and Hannah weren't even watching the movie but making out on the complete opposite side of the couch. But the movie they were watching was kinda funny, so Harry had a good time. He pretended to ignore the gross slurping sounds of their two mouths colliding even though it was slowly eating away at him. 

By nine o' clock, Harry had enough. He played sick and got his mom to bring him back home. Louis was his best friend and Louis should be kissing him.

Wait.

 

Harry tells himself not think such thoughts until a later date.

Otherwise, Louis looked very worried when Harry left because it was the first time that he hadn't stayed over after movie night. 

 

_**ages 13 and 15** _

The only useful piece of information that Harry's gotten so far out of secondary school is that he is most definitely gay. Except he hasn't exactly told anyone yet. He reckons they wouldn't be that surprised, anyways. 

The realization came to him after Molly had kissed him the previous week at the school's football game which then lead to some curious internet browsing that explained to him very thoroughly why he didn't like said kiss. ~~That search history had quickly been deleted; it was the family computer.~~

Harry doesn't quite know how he got into this situation, but it happened pretty fast. 

He, Louis, Niall, Zayn and Liam arrived at Nick Grimshaw's Halloween party and things we're pretty chill at first. Harry rocked his vampire costume, if you asked him. Someone had given Harry a drink so he got a little bit buzzed since he was so young.

Somehow, he ended up on the dance floor with Nick pressed up against him head to toe. Nick was really sweet and funny, and was saying lots of nice things to Harry at the time so one thing led to another and Harry was having his first kiss. Nick's lips tasted sort of bitter, and definitely not soft but he liked the ruggedness of them. 

Tipsy or not, Harry is so glad that he kissed Nick of all people. He was Louis' age, which meant responsible and mature, and also funny. After a couple minutes of friendly snogging with Nick, Harry hears his name being called. 

"Harold, there you are I was just looking-" Louis stops in his tracks when Harry looks up. He stares at the scene of Nick holding Harry in his arms with his jaw slack. 

Harry had this coming, really. They were literally out in the middle of the room where everyone could see-where everyone would know Harry's gay. And really, at this point, Harry's very disappointed in himself. He'd imagined coming out to his mom and Gemma before the entire guest list at Nick's bash. 

Louis snaps him back into reality by completely hustling through the giant crowd of people. Was he really running away from Harry? 

"I'm sorry Nick, but I've gotta go." Harry mumbles, chasing after his best friend. "Louis!" he repeats as he follows him. 

Maybe it wasn't a very good idea for Harry to have had his first pint ever tonight seeing as his vision is slightly blurred and he's slowly losing Louis in the crowd. In a way, Harry feels bad because Louis and Harry both know everything about each other; except being gay is something that Harry's kept from him for quite some time. But it wasn't very fair of Louis to just run off like that. Harry and Louis have _never_ had a fight. At least not a serious one. Sure, they'd fought over small things that were so quick to get over-but they'd always quickly apologized and they'd never ran away from the most awkward of situations. (Even that one time Harry caught Louis wanking.) 

Harry's heart begins to beat a tad quicker when he realizes what had just happened. Louis probably does n't like gay people-he's probably ashamed that he hadn't found out sooner. Why else would he run out on his best mate? There isn't such thing as a Harry without a Louis or a Louis without a Harry. They complete each other, like two halves of something endless. Harry's biggest fear is whether Louis'll still treat him like the same person after the party. 

 

The next morning was mighty awkward for Harry. He'd come to the possibly temporary conclusion that yes, he was only attracted to guys at this point in his life. But that didn't make the situation seem any better. 

Harry got a good morning text from Nick, asking him out on a date Friday night. Being the ridiculous back-stabbing friend he is, he agreed.

Now the thought of dating Nick is brilliant because Harry likes him a lot, but he just doesn't feel right about sharing a relationship with someone without being able to open up to his family about it. And of course, Friday night's a problem.

Harry decides to gather his family in the dining area for what could be one of the most terrifying things he's had to do to date. 

The three other members of Harry's family appear to be slightly confused by the sudden family meeting. Anne is sat patiently next to Robin, silently taking in the look on Harry's face. 

Gemma will not stop texting. 

When Harry opens his mouth, all attention turns to him. "Well, uh" he mumbles. "You're probably wondering why you're all here at the moment." 

Nobody says anything. 

"Um, uh..." Harry starts to twist the rings on his fingers, something he has a habit of doing when he's  nervous. Harry must look nuts, with Power Ranger jammies on and left over vampire makeup from the party last night. "So basically I'm." 

"Oh for God's sake, Harry, spit it out already!" An annoyed Gemma sighs. 

"Let him take his time, Gemma." Robin warns. Harry appreciates his patience.

Harry's palms start to sweat, anxiously waiting for his brain and for his heart to just get on with it already, his family is nothing to be afraid of. They'll love him no matter what, he's positive of it. They wouldn't be real family if they didn't. 

"Um, I don't reckon this should be made a big deal but I feel like I owe it to you guys to tell you this." Harry speaks up. "I think I might be gay." 

Gemma looks up from her phone after a long pause. "So like, that's it?" She says, smile evident through her tone of voice. 

"Yeah," Harry replies. "That's it. I'm obviously not 100% sure. But for now I am. And I'm gay." 

He looks at his mom and Robin, and they're both in tears with wobbly grins, watching their little boy come out. Anne stands up and makes her way to Harry and envelops him in a ginormous embrace. So, that's that… 

After a couple of congratulations comes the big question: who's Harry dating?

"Why do I have to be dating someone to be gay? I'm only thirteen-I couldn't get a date if I-" 

"Oh you _so_ have a date! You're blushing!" Gemma interrupts. Screw Harry's naturally rosy cheeks. They aren't helping him out. 

"N-"

"Oh my goodness, my baby brother has wheels and I don't!" she buries her head in her hands. 

Well, technically Harry's whole point of coming out was to be honest, so he should probably tell his family about his date with Nick Grimshaw. 

"Okay, fine," Harry gives up. "I do have a date on Friday night." 

Anne's grin grows 100% and Gemma's still pretending to be annoyed. 

"So, when's Lou going to pick you up then?" Anne asks.

"Louis? Louis Tomlinson?" Harry replies, very confused. "He's not picking me up."

"Oh, so you're gonna meet him there? How cute." Gemma chips in. 

What? What does Louis have to do with any of this? Harry's beyond puzzled and it doesn't settle well in him that his family possibly knows something he doesn't. 

"Louis' not even going, though." Harry says. 

Anne's eyebrows raise as if she's just cluing in on something Harry doesn't know about and Gemma still looks pleasantly curious. 

"So you're not doing movie night together then?" 

"No." Harry says. "As much as I love Louis, we can't be inseparable for the rest of our lives. I can't depend on him like that forever." 

"I see." Anne nods. "So who's the lucky boy who gets to take my charming little one on a date?" 

Harry then reveals that it's Nick, much to Gemma's amusement and Anne's pretty cool about it all. Robin remains silent in the corner of the room, admiring his chipper family. 

 

The next few weeks are absolutely great with Nick. He makes sure to text him good morning, doesn't push Harry's limits when it comes to kissing, he's very sweet about Harry's innocence, and pays attention to him. All great, yes, but something is still missing. 

Harry hasn't seen Louis since the party. 

Well Harry's seen him, but he hasn't _seen_ him. They've been pretty timid towards each other lately but every time Harry wants to reach out and talk to Louis, he's 'busy' or has singing lessons. (Which, no he doesn't, because Harry has Louis' weekly schedule taped to his refrigerator.) 

Louis constantly ignores his phone calls, never answers the door to his house-Harry had to find out that Louis and Hannah broke up through Facebook. 

So, Harry got an action plan. 

**Text Messages: Zayn Malik**

**Harry: hiiiii (: Um, idk what Lou's been saying about what happened but could you tell him to give me a call pleaseeee?**

Okay, so maybe it isn't a very good action plan, but at least he has one. 

**Zayn: ok**

**Harry: thaaaaaaaank youuuuuu (: xxx**

**Zayn: What even happened between you two. Louis' been angrier lately.**

**Harry: Probably because his gf broke up with him i don't know he hasn't talked to me**

**Zayn: Well he certainly doesn't open up to me :/**

**Zayn: And nah he dumped Hannah aha !!**

**Harry: that's quite strange, feels like ages since i've had a proper conversation with him.**

**Harry: weeeeell thank youuu :D he hasn't been responding so maybe u** **could knock some sense into him**

**Zayn: bye**

 

 

Instead of a phone call, Harry gets a knock on the door at two in the morning featuring a very exhausted looking Louis. 

He lets him in without a question. The first few minutes are awkward, with them staring at each other intensely. Louis looks as if he hasn't slept in days and like he's freezing to death. It takes everything in Harry not to wrap him up in one of his jumpers and feed him noodle soup. Once they've tiptoed to Harry's room, the silence is broken. 

"I'm sorry Hazza." Louis says, voice cracking up. Zayn was right, Louis did look terrible in the least terrible way possible. But at the same time Harry's still very angry with the older boy for ignoring him. There's a pause. 

"I really don't see any reason for you to be mad at me, if I'm being honest." Harry says. Louis takes a couple of steps forward and puts his hands on Harry's shoulders. 

"Look. In the moment, I was just so angry because you deserve so much better than bloody Grimmy-I can't even stand the guy and you know that." Louis sighs. "And, of course you didn't tell me you were interested in his, er, gender…" Louis' hands slide down Harry's arms and catch Harry's hands. "Can't you see?" he says. "I'm here to make this right. We're going to talk about this." 

Alarmed, Harry rips his hands away and takes a step back. "No, absolutely not." he says. "You're not getting away with this that easily-with your stupid blue eyes and way with words-no." Louis looks like he's on the verge of breaking down, and for a moment Harry feels bad. 

"This isn't just an 'I'm sorry, let's move on' kind of problem. How are we going to keep this friendship if you just run away when we have a fight? Your reasoning is absolutely ridiculous too, because I can associate with anyone I want to, male or female, friend of Louis or not." Harry says, not missing a breath. "And if you dare to tell me that I should have told you I'm gay-you've got another thing coming. No years of friendship or of knowing me will grant you the privilege of knowing something so important about me if I'm not ready to tell you. Don't fight me on it, or I will seriously kick you out of here right now. Also, you're an idiot. I've tried reaching you within every way possible-through our friends, your teammates, your mom, your phone, your house, Facebook, twitter, your fucking email and nothing. You continuously ignored me. Why? I honestly don't give a shit anymore."

Louis' face falls. "I know Haz-I had no right whatsoever!"

"No right." Harry agrees. Louis has a point. 

"None." Louis says. "But I was drunk, losing interest in my own girlfriend and wanted to have a good time. And then I saw you with-I hate that Nick guy so much-"

"You can't say that about him anymore in front of me, Louis. He's my boyfriend." Harry crosses his arms, like the real meanie he is. 

The thing is, Harry knows he's crossing several lines of their friendship. Harry knows exactly what to say and to do to make Louis jealous. Even though they've never talked about it, they'll always dislike each other's boyfriends and girlfriends because they don't want to be replaced. They want to make sure that the bond that they have is eternal-they don't want anyone getting in the way of them two. 

"Fuck off, Harry. You know you don't deserve an ass wipe like him." Louis steps forward so that he's cornering Harry. "Tell me you don't mean it!"

The emotion in Louis' eyes could speak a thousand words, but Harry can't concentrate on any of that when Louis' this close to him after not being around him for so long. Louis' hands touch Harry's and then slide up the wall to meet Harry's neck. 

"Please." Louis whispers, his forehead resting on the wall next to Harry's head. His hair smells like-well, _him._

Harry slides his arms on to Louis' waist and breathes in the smell of him that he missed so much. Lavender, minty and with a hint of that lemon zest laundry detergent that Jay uses. Amazing. 

"You don't have the right, Lou." Harry whispers. Louis' grip on Harry's neck slightly tightens as Louis steps impossibly closer so that their bodies are completely aligned. Harry shifts to the side and tilts his head to get a full view of the older boy's expression. He looks hurt, confused and very jealous. 

Harry can swear he hears Louis whisper _'But I want the right_ '. He might have just imagined it. 

The next few seconds are strictly based on impulse; Louis' eyes kept flickering down to Harry's lips and then suddenly there were hands cradling his face and a nose next to his. All Harry had to do was move to get out of it-it would be that fucking easy. But Harry's brain had decided to shut up and it was like a new-found muscle memory; his next gesture seemed too natural to be true.

Their lips connect.

It ends way too quickly and it was quite chaste but Louis was the one who pulled away. He looks into Harry's eyes, as if asking for approval, and now would be a _great time_ to pull away. Harry's body speak. for him though and then Harry's pushing Louis into his bed roughly and their lips meet once again. 

Kissing Louis is like jumping in the pool after sweating all day in the sun, like sleeping in your own bed after being away from home for so long. His lips feel like drinking hot chocolate on the first day of winter. 

Louis' tongue slides beneath Harry's lips as they continue to kiss passionately. Harry's hands grasp at the collar of Louis' jumper as they adjust their weight on the mattress. The pair of lips on his slide down to Harry's jaw, then on to his neck.

Harry is so overwhelmed by everything that's happening but he doesn't think much of it-he just goes with his heart. This feels right, kissing Louis. It feels way better than anything he's done with Nick-better than anything he's done ever. 

They kiss until they're out of breath and tired, choosing to fall asleep in each other's arms while watching Peter Pan. 

Harry could have _sworn_ that Louis was already fast asleep, but he chose to end the night by clearing a few things up. 

"The kissing," he whispers. "It's a friend thing, yeah? Because you have a boyfriend?" 

"Yes." Harry says, voice hoarse. Because he'll definitely like to kiss Louis again. "Friends." he clarifies. 

 

_**ages 13 and 16** _

New year's eve has always been a hustle according to the Tomlinsons. Especially this year, because Louis' just turned sixteen so he's been granted the right to a party. Of course, Harry is there to help set up. One thing people may not know about Louis is that he's an absolute control freak. Everything needs to be his way or out the door. That's why Harry's surprised when he arrives to find a happy, chill Louis instead. 

"You didn't greet me with a kiss today." Harry calls from the kitchen. That apparently brings a tiny smile to Louis' face as he simultaneously appears behind Harry to press chaste kisses to his neck. They tickle  _very_ much. "On the mouth you filthy animal!" he giggles. Louis spins Harry around and presses his bottom into the counter playfully. He leans in so that his face is inches away from Harry's, but he doesn't even budge.

"What did you say, babe?" he laughs, still not leaning in. 

"Shut up!" Harry says, and Louis starts to smile so big that the crinkles by his eyes start to show. "Now kiss me, you fool!" 

All they get in is a quick peck before Jay waltzes into the room and completely ruins the cute platonic bro dude pal moment. 

"Louis, do you mind seeing me in the other room for a minute?" she says, completely oblivious to the scene that had just happened before her own eyes. "Like, now?" 

The older boy looks quite puzzled as he excuses himself for a few minutes. He comes back looking like someone had punched him straight in the gut and he refuses to tell Harry why just yet. Harry also didn't get that kiss. 

 

For the rest of the night, the strange encounter between Louis and Jay is at the back of Harry's mind. He can't even concentrate on dancing with Nick because of it. 

If Harry could take one guess, it would probably be about Jay seeing them kissing-but that also couldn't be right, because she'd seen it all before. They weren't so quick to hide anymore. Still, it could be a possibility because Harry has an amazing boyfriend, Nick, who had been there right from the start and doesn't deserve to be lied to. But kissing Louis shouldn't be a problem, seeing as it's completely a friend thing. No strings attached. 

It's safe to say that Harry's brain's been on the moon all night. But how could it not be, when he's in Louis' house and there's been zero signs of him being anywhere. 

The clock is ticking closer and closer to midnight and Nick can tell that Harry's getting antsy. "You've been off all evening, Harold. Let it go and let's relax!" Harry's being pulled in closer. At times like this, he's thankful for Nick's anti-curiosity. How would he be able to explain 'I need to see Louis because I really need to kiss him right now immediately and I can't find him in his own house!!!!! And he's been acting weird ever since this morning, so that's why I'm not paying attention to you, my actual boyfriend.' 

"Ten, Nine, Eight…" 

Harry starts to properly worry at this point. Louis' invisible, like a ghost-

"Seven, Six, Five…" 

Until he isn't and Harry catches his eyes in behind Nick. 

"Nick, I need to pee-"

"Shh Harold It's almost midnight just wait!" Nick laughs.

"Four, Three…" 

And then Louis is gone. 

"Two, One, Happy new year!" the crowd inside Louis' house yell out. 

His lips are on Nick's-where they should be of course. Nick is who Harry _wants_ to kiss at midnight. One hundred percent. Harry is very glad he did. 

 

The next morning, Harry isn't woken up in Louis' embrace like he wanted to be, but he's still with Louis anyways. 

"You awake?" Louis asks in a careful tone. 

"Very much so."

"I have to tell you something."

 

**(2 weeks later)**

Today is moving day for Louis and Harry is not happy about it whatsoever. It's just that they've been so inseparable since childhood and now they're getting even closer-if that's even possible. Nothing seems fair about it, as happy as Harry is for Jay and her promotion to Doncaster.  

For the past two weeks, Louis' emptying house had become Harry's home. Every waking hour, he was there helping pack, goofing around, watching movies and kissing Louis in closets. Somehow, the younger boy had a feeling that spending all of this time with his best friend would only make it harder to see him go. Going from seeing Louis 24/7 to not seeing him at all will be extremely difficult; Harry is not looking forward to when Louis and his family have to step on the train and go. Tonight.

They'd spent their last day together going through old videos of them that were saved on the Tomlinson's computer which led to lots of happy tears of laughter and embarrassment. 

 

It's finally the most dreaded time of them all; Louis and his family are leaving. 

Their walk with the whole family to way to Sixth Street, where the train station is, seems tense and bitter-sweet. (Minus the sweet part, in Harry's opinion.) Lottie and Fizzy are giving Louis and Harry weird looks, as if they're the only two who seem to be completely miserable about the moving thing. When it's time for them to catch the train, Lou's sisters and mum say their goodbyes and then leave the two boys alone for the three minutes they have left together.

Louis stands awkwardly with a hurt expression in his eyes and both hands in his pockets. "So, this is it." he says calmly. 

Harry takes a step closer. "What do you mean, 'this is it'?" he argues. "We aren't over-I'm still going to visit and talk to you, yanno." 

"You're right," Louis sighs. "I guess I'm just disappointed that I have to leave my favorite person in the entire world today to go to a town where I know literally no one. I'm gonna miss seeing you ever day." 

That takes a sad laugg out of Harry. There's a sudden change in lighting on the street when the lamppost turns on. Louis wraps Harry up in a tight embrace and lets out a shaky sigh. He takes it all in: the smell of Louis' hair, the feel of his arms, the way he's only a little bit taller than Harry now, everything. He doesn't want this to end. "I love you so much, man." Harry says through tears. They pull back and start laughing at the sight of each other crying. "How's this? We're such idiots!" 

"Us? You made _me_ cry!" Louis says, wiping under his eyes. They once again fall silent. "I really love you too though, mate." 

"I really need you to stay here with me-it's not fair of you to leave! I have nobody to watch Peter Pan with and to have movie nights-everything we do together, it can't be replaced!" Harry whines, grabbing a hold Louis' arms. 

"Hazza-you have so many people who'll-"

"None of them hold a candle to _you_!" Harry protests. 

"What about Nick? He's your boyfriend!" Louis suggests. 

Harry sighs and takes a deep breath. Stepping an inch closer so that their faces are inches apart, he puts his hands behind Louis' neck and touches their foreheads together. The moment is long, intense and heated. 

"Lou…" Harry whispers.

The older boy's breathing hitches in response. 

"I'm too mad about you for him to even compare." Harry says, voice cracking at the end. 

Their lips are brought together and it sends electric shocks throughout Harry's entire body, his entire life feeling as if it's meant for this very moment. They kiss like they're starving for it; craving each other's very being. Harry's never felt more emotional in his life. 

Before they know it, Jay's calling for Louis and Harry's left alone, more alone than ever by that stupid flashing lamppost. 

They don't say goodbye. 

 

 

_When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me_

_Under the lamppost back on Sixth street_

_Hearing you whisper through the phone,_

_"Wait for me to come home."_

 

 

 

**ages 16 and 18**

It's a Saturday night in Holmes Chapel when Harry sees Louis next.

His life has been pretty eventful with his sister gone to uni; he takes trips to London an awful lot, has his friends over more often and visits lots of parties. With more of a social life, he's become pretty popular at school. There's not one girl or boy strong enough to resist his charm. Anyone would fall head over heels for him in mere seconds because of his status at school-he's on the honor roll, plays a good lot of sports (even though he's rubbish at 80% of them) and is very respectful to all around him. 

But Harry is still incredibly and irrevocably homosexual. Yeah, he might have snogged a few ladies here and there-but those were all just fun mistakes. Everyone knows that too, with his relationships with Nick and that guy Greg from history class. It's no surprise that Harry isn't necessarily attracted to women yet they still throw themselves at him. 

It was a rare occasion for Harry to be spending a Saturday with his family like this but it's time for the X Factor auditions and he and his parents absolutely adore that show. Harry thinks that if he was any good at singing, he'd want to make it big through this show. This season is said to be more fierce than ever so Harry is mighty excited. 

The first few auditions are amazing-as usual and he's already picked his favorite: Cher Lloyd. Her voice is incredible and she's so pretty. Harry is definitely routing for her at bootcamp. Otherwise, it's amazing for Harry to see all of these people's dreams come true and to know that they all came from the same sort of background as his and that they all might become very successful artists thanks to a panel of four judges! 

Around the fourth or fifth audition aired, there's someone Harry recognizes on the screen. He has pixie-like hair and bright blue eyes with so much potential in them; thin lips with a quirky edge to them that taste so sweet and are very soft, with a dainty facial frame and long eyelashes. Harry could recognize him anywhere, in any disguise at any time. 

It's Louis. 

"My name's Louis Tomlinson." he says from the TV. 

Harry's jaw goes slack and he can't even move from his seat. He doesn't even want to see his parent's reactions to seeing his best friend for the first time in three years as it's probably incredibly embarrassing. 

There's so much for Harry to take in in so little time from Louis' audition, since they only showed a little clip. From the looks of it, his entire style has completely changed. He doesn't wear braces, he has on some punk band shirt, really tight black jeans-that Harry isn't complaining about and his hair is styled in a rugged, messy quiff. Needless to say, he looks like a complete rockstar.

His audition obviously goes really well. He sings  _Hey There Delilah_ and gets all yeses. Seeing Louis on stage from a television screen leaves a sour taste in Harry's mouth; he and the older lad had lost touch after about three months of them being apart. They'd eventually stopped sending each other texts and Facebook messages and even their mums cut the line of contact between each other. It hadn't been intentional, it had unfortunately kinda happened. So it's a little bit nostalgic for Harry to be seeing him all grown up and changed.

If Harry is 16, that means Louis is 18 years old. The last time they've seen each other had been three years ago. Harry finds that concept very difficult to grasp. 

There are so many things that Harry misses about Louis; the way his eyes crinkle when he's really happy, the tone of his voice when he's frightened, his collarbones and eyelashes, the way he used to kiss Harry like there was nobody else in the world, just everything about him. 

"Louis' done quite some growing up, hasn't he?" Anne brakes the mutual silence. It isn't awkward per se, they're all just a little bit shocked. 

Harry coughs a bit. "Y-yeah, he has." 

Robin furrows his brows in confusion. "I didn't know Louis sang?" he says. "I always thought he was more of a footie lad."

Harry smiles and nods. "He sang too though. Not lots of people knew about it though, thought it made him seem girly." he laughs at the memory of sixteen year old Louis rehearsing for the school production of _Grease_ but being ridiculously nervous of what the other people thought. 

 _'But singing is feminine Harry! I can't be feminine for this part and my voice is so high-pitched! Nobody knows I sing because What if they think I'm girly Harry? Danny isn't_ _girly. I can't be.'_ Harry remembers Louis saying. All it took was a tiny peck on the lips for him to calm him down and then he was good to go. 

"He's pretty damn good I must say." Robin smiles.

There's a pause. 

"I miss him, you know." Harry mumbles, recalling all of their amazing memories growing up. He hasn't exactly told his parents how important Louis was in his life, but they just know. 

"I know babe." Anne says, caressing Harry. "You'll see him again soon, I can feel it.

 

Two full months later, Louis is titled as winner of the X Factor UK. The chances of Harry ever meeting Louis again are getting slimmer by the day.

 

_**ages 18 and 20** _

If you ask Harry how it feels to roam the streets of London, he would just say that the city's quite big. That's it. 

London feels so different from Holmes Chapel; there are literally people everywhere, high end shops on every corner-Harry didn't think it was possible for one city to have so many Starbucks shops. Gemma never mentioned how much of a contrast actually living in London feels as opposed to their hometown. Not that he thought it wouldn't be a big change-but he didn't actually think it would be _that_ different. 

Oh was he wrong. 

In the three hours Harry's been here, he's already met Rita Ora. 

The London life has been pretty fantastic thus far, Harry's flat with Niall looks incredible and they're pretty excited to start at uni in two weeks. This is only just the beginning. 

 

"So like, really funny story!" A flushed looking Liam and Zayn bust into Harry and Niall's flat. For a moment, Harry forgets that Liam and Zayn actually live in the same flat complex since they're attached at the hip and isolate themselves from the world.

Niall's eyes dart up from his game controller. "What, are you two fucking again?" he says. Wouldn't surprise Harry.

The pair give Niall filthy looks as they remove their shoes and step into the room together. 

"We have tickets to Louis Tomlinson at the o2 arena tomorrow night." Liam blurts out. "For the lot of us." Zayn hits Liam's arm. 

"What, how? He's proper famous now, wouldn't they be all sold out?" Niall asks, blasphemed. 

Even if Harry wants to forget about his old best mate, there's literally no way to go about it. His music plays all the time on the radio and there are billboards with his face on them at every street corner. To top that off, nearly every teenage girl is completely obsessed him. But to be honest, Harry isn't exactly looking to forget about him because there's no use in forgetting one of the most important people in his life. And yeah, Harry misses him a little, but he's really good mates with Niall, Liam and Zayn now and Harry couldn't ask for any better of a posse. 

"Long story short," Zayn says, leading Liam to the sofa where everyone else is sitting. "We're at Tesco's just picking up some milk and some bread-your regular day groceries." 

"Ok can I say the next part?" Liam says, grin plastered on his face. 

"Wait a second babes, you can talk in a minute-so yeah then fucking-"

"Louis, our old mate _Louis_ is at the cash register with this high-end swat team security shit. They are trying to buy movies or some shit-I don't care." Liam interrupts. At this point, you can tell by the look on Zayn's face that he's completely admired by his boy regardless of whether he interrupts him or not. They're so obviously infatuated, but they still claim they're only friends. "So basically Zayn and I were kind of shocked, and then he goes 'lou?'-and then this big security guy who's way bigger than us turns around and just looks down at us."

"Yeah, it was pretty frightening if you ask me. He didn't even say anything, he just kind of stared at us until Louis was done dealing with the guy at the register. After that, we thought he was just gonna walk out and leave obviously and we were too intimidated to utter another word so we continued to the cashier and Louis did a little double take-" Zayn continues. "-then his face just drops, almost like he couldn't believe it was us in the store."

"Like you guys were the famous ones." Niall laughs. 

"Exactly like that." 

"Anyways, so he realizes it's us and we start our small talk about basically everything." Liam adds. "Did you know this guy has houses in Los Angeles, London, Doncaster, New York and Peru? He's _loaded!"_

 _"_ Okay, okay." Zayn clears his throat. "He kinda just takes his wallet out and gives us four passes to see his show from the box tomorrow night and to go see him before." 

"Sick, I miss that guy. Great laugh, good lad." Niall says, completely impressed. 

"So are you guys all in?" Liam smiles. 

There are three great things that could come out of going to see Louis tomorrow: Having fun at the concert, reuniting with his old best friend and meeting all of the potential celebrities that are there backstage. But somewhere along the line of things, Harry realized that him and Louis were never really best friends. They were obviously more than that; Harry and Louis were together without even admitting it. If he were to sit on Niall's lap right now and kiss him, Niall would laugh and tell him to sod off. Normal friends don't hold hands when they watch movies together, they don't blush tremendously when the other compliments them, they don't get furiously jealous when the other has a date. It wasn't a life changing realization for Harry that he was probably in love with Louis at the time, but if Louis'd come to the realization that they weren't _just friends_ too, then that would make them seeing each other again very awkward. That, and, Harry has an assignment to finish in law. 

After a few minutes of thought, Harry realizes that the others are just staring at him, waiting for an answer. They all know about Louis and Harry's history (even the kisses) and that Harry had been in love with Louis since their first one. It was evident that they were all hopeful that Harry would just go. But he still has so many questions: Was Louis in love with Harry too? Is he even _gay_? Does he even want to see Harry tomorrow, or did he give four tickets to Li and Zayn out of pity for Harry? Regardless, Harry won't be going.

"I-" Harry pauses. "I can't." 

The disappointment on the others' faces is evident. 

"But you can, is the thing." Liam presses. Harry sighs.

"I know. I should write my paper though for law. It's due for my next course, so…" he mumbles. "And I'm nervous, I truthfully don't want the next time to see him to be arranged, you know?" 

"I understand." Zayn says, rubbing his back. "You guys have a sort of history that we never did, you're allowed to not want to go." 

And that's the end of that. 

 

The following night, Harry finds himself alone in his room watching House Hunters since his friends all ditched him for his other friend's sold out concert. He's bored to  death, finished all of his paper and mopey _because_ he's alone. It's nearly 11pm, the concert should be over by now. All he wants to do is get out of the flat and head to a bar with his friends, meet some guy and take him home. But no, that's being held up because his mates hate him. 

As if the universe reads his thoughts, Harry hears the four lads push into the apartment.

"That was a sick concert, yo!" Niall yells out, through the laughter and discussion. Harry jumps up from his bed and heads to see the others. 

"Louis is so-" Zayn starts, but Harry interrupts him.

"I don't care, I really don't." he starts. (he does) "Can we go out?" 

"Um-yeah I guess?" Zayn says, looking around for approval from the others. Everyone seems okay with it. "Alright, lets go then." 

Harry quickly throws a green beanie on his head and throws one of Niall's preppy shirts on and heads out the door. 

 

The club is really isolated from the busy part of the city but there's still a good amount of people on the dance floor. Niall's already found the cute bartender that he's been talking about for weeks, Zayn and Liam are having drinks with a big group of people to his left, and that leaves Harry. Alone.

To change that, he throws himself into a big cluster of dancing bodies when that new Ariana Grande song starts to play and he just puts his hands up and moves to the beat. He feels quite tipsy, but not enough to be unconscious of what he's doing. When the bass drops, everyone goes wild. 

Harry makes is way to the other end of the crowd where he notices there are more men and starts dancing filthily to the beat of the song. He starts moving his hips around obscenely in hopes of attracting some guys to dance with him. 

A few minutes later, a curvy guy, noticeably shorter than H slides in front of him and presses his bum right into his crotch. Which, okay. 

The mysterious stranger smells like beer and lavender and has an arse carved by the gods above. Harry starts grinding back against him in slow sensual movements. The boy's back is flush against Harry and they're moving against each other like there's no tomorrow. He puts his hands on the boy's hips and then slides them onto his tummy, pulling him impossibly closer, enjoying the friction on his hardening cock. 

The boy notices his hardness and preens at it, pressing even harder on his crotch. Harry squeezes at his stomach and slides a hand under his shirt to run his hands over his abs. He basically purrs at that and brings an arm back around Harry's neck. 

Harry leans down to the other's shoulder and sucks a bruise into the side of his neck. When satisfied with the love bite, he licks a stripe to his ear, closes his eyes and starts to suck on the hot stranger's earlobe. The boy whimpers and arches his back, simultaneously pressing his bum in a different demeanour towards Harry's dick. He bites down on the stranger and hears him whisper an 'oh'. 

The boy's left hand disappears from Harry's neck and meets his jaw. There are a pair of lips on his and they kiss like there's nobody else in the room. He feels the other's tongue beg for entrance and Harry allows him. Harry hasn't even seen what this guy looks like yet everything about him seems so familiar-from the taste of his lips to the feel of his hand caressing his cheek. The boy turns his body to face Harry, still kissing and grips his hands behind Harry's head to deepen the kiss. They lick into each other's mouths and the stranger takes Harry's bottom lip in and sucks. Harry uses the opportunity to slide his hands down his back to cup at the guys's plump ass. He easily fits his hands around both cheeks and squeezes, causing the boy's hips to buck forward, pressing their hard cocks against one another. 

Harry's eyes startle open and so do Louis'.

Wait- _Louis_? 

Harry literally stares at him, jaw slack and completely dumbfounded. 

Louis' eyes widen as he immediately presses his palm flat against Harry's mouth. 

"Shit, fuck, don't scream." he says, clearly panicking. "Really dumbass? Had to be a fan, had it." he whispers to himself. 

Despite Harry's various protests, Louis' hand remains on his mouth. He darts his tongue out to lick at Louis' palm and the hand is extracted right away. 

"What the hell? I know you just had your tongue in my mouth but really?" Louis hisses, wiping his palm against his jeggings, taking a tiny step back. 

"Louis, you idiot--it's me!" Harry yells over the music. 

As if the bastard didn't recognize him. It _had_ been a five years though, so Harry gives him that.

Harry uses the tense moment between the two of them to check Louis out from head to toe. His flushed cheeks, tousled hair, tiny torso, muscular thighs and bare ankles. But the outline of his dick is hardest to ignore. (No pun intended)

Louis is silent, completely puzzled and deep in thought for a couple of seconds until it hits him. Louis' hands move to his mouth and the look in his eyes is one of complete shock. Harry stands there, still incredibly turned on and twists his rings. 

Louis presses his body back up against Harry's, bringing them into an intimate hug. 

"Hazza!" he whispers, pressing his nose in Harry's hair. They breathe each other in, swaying around for feels like hours. 

They're interrupted by Niall, Zayn and Liam's voices. 

"Harry? Harry!" Niall yells. He finally spots Louis and Harry hugging and they approach them. Louis and Harry separate-like mirrors, theg clasp their hands at the front of their bodies to hide their 'growing problems'. "Louis! Didn't think you'd be here mate. Again, great show tonight." Niall says happily. 

"Thank you." Louis smiles. 

"So uh, Harry. We were just heading out now if you wanna come back." Zayn says. 

Before Harry can even think about leaving, Louis says: "No I was just taking Harry back to mine if that's okay with you." Louis' looking at him for approval. 

"Yeah" Harry coughs. "Of course." As if he'd ever say no. 

And just like that, the three others say their goodbyes and Harry and Louis are being escorted into a black escalade. 

They make small talk on the way home and catch up on things like home and family life. Harry learns that Louis' mom divorced Mark and she got remarried to a guy named Dan. They're trying for another baby. The only true friend he made in Doncaster was Stan, because he stuck by Louis throughout the X Factor and didn't use him for fame. Louis asks about Gemma, Nick, literally everyone in Harry's life.

 During talk about uni, Harry is reminded of his erection when Louis runs his hand up Harry's inner thigh and rubs circles with his thumb. Louis acts like he's doing nothing but he's literally being a complete tease and he knows it, by the looks of the grin ghosting on his face. 

When the driver drops them off, Harry grabs Louis' hand and leads him to the gate of Louis' house. _Mansion_.

"Eager!" Louis comments, but he enters the code into the gate about as fast as a cheetah runs for it's prey. As soon as they get in, Harry doesn't even take in the vastness of the place, instead focussing on how quick they can get to Louis' bedroom. 

When they arrive, the lights are already dim and the bed isn't made. Typical for Louis. It isn't dirty, but it's pretty messy. The only thing dirty about the room is what's about the happen in it.

Louis shuts the door behind him and then Harry presses him up against it in a filthy kiss, once again exploring every inch of Louis' mouth. He leans down and sucks on the dip between Louis' collarbones, causing the older boy to moan. Louis' hands clasp at Harry's shirt and he quickly removes it from his body. Harry's hands rest on Louis' hips and then he looks up into those blue eyes and drops to his knees. Louis looks down at Harry in complete awe, watching him undo the buttons on his trousers. 

"Shit" Louis hisses when Harry pulls his jeggings down to palm at his cock over top of his pants. He instantly replaces that hand by mouthing at smear of precome by the head of Louis' dick. "Such a tease." he whispers. 

Harry finds the older boy's hipbone and leaves a bruise with his mouth. "Payback's a bitch." he laughs. 

Louis just looks really flustered, with his hand gripping at the door handle and teeth biting down on his bottom lip. When Louis whimpers, Harry takes that as his queue to get on with it and pull his pants down because frankly, he can't wait any longer either. 

Louis' cock is really thick, red, throbbing and actually quite pretty if Harry admits. He starts by wrapping it in his hand and darting his tongue out to lick at the head. The boy in front of him's breath hitches. Harry takes him in all at once and Louis' hand finds itself clasped full of Harry's curls.

Harry pulls off and looks at Louis, trying to muster the most innocent look he can. "You can fuck my mouth if you want."

Louis doesn't need to be told twice as he instructs Harry to 'open wide', grabs the back of his neck and hair and he starts to thrust deep into Harry's throat.

The only sounds in the room are the moans escaping Louis' mouth and the muffled whimpers coming from Harry's. 

Harry's on fire; his mouth is burning from the sensation of Louis inside of him and hitting the back of his throat. That's why he's slightly disappointed when Louis pulls out. He's less disappointed when Louis picks him up and pushes him onto his bed so that his upper body is resting on it. Louis steps between his legs. Suddenly, he's being kissed thoroughly and Louis' fingers are rubbing at his nipples. Harry gasps into Louis' mouth at the feeling and he scratches at the older boy's back underneath his shirt. He hopes he left marks. Harry then helps Louis remove said top. 

They look into each other's eyes when Louis trails slow kisses all the way down Harry's torso onto his happy trail and bites down. Louis' hands rest at Harry's love handles and then he just stares at Harry for a moment. 

"You're so beautiful like this; all disheveled and hard for me." Louis says in a tone of voice that causes Harry to groan. 

The younger boy thrusts his hips up, searching for friction as Louis' hands travel from where they were to unbutton Harry's jeans. He pulls them down at the same time as his boxers and Harry's cock slaps against his lower stomach. He hisses at the sensation. 

Harry shifts back so that he's completely on the bed and Louis crawls over top of him, on his hands and knees in between Harry's legs. Louis places his hands on Harry's biceps to hold himself up as he grinds down onto the younger boy's hardness. 

"Fuck!" Harry moans loudly at the contact. He's been waiting too long for this. It was never like this with anyone else-Harry'd never gotten this big of a thrill from just grinding against someone. 

Their thrusts become deeper and harder until they're both panting and flushed, looking for a release. 

"I'm so close." Louis whimpers. 

"Me too baby." Harry breathes, taking both of their cocks into one hand and jerking them both off. 

"Oh my fucking God!" Louis sobs, his forehead resting on Harry's. A few beats later, Louis comes with a shout and Harry does too right after. They kisses roughly. 

Louis runs to his en-suite and fetches a couple of flannels and clean boxer briefs and then they settle down into bed after getting all cleaned up.

"Hey Louis?" Harry says, once Louis cuddles into him. 

"Yeah?" Louis asks, his voice soft and content. 

"The last time I saw your dick was when you were convinced one of your balls was bigger than the other and you wanted my input before you asked your mum if it was normal."  

Louis starts to properly cackle at the memory.

"Sod off you proper twat, it's okay to be concerned about your health. Especially when it comes to the balls." he says, mock-offended. "Plus technically, the actual last time you saw my dick was five minutes ago when you were cleaning your come off of it."

"That's a fair point." Harry admits, so completely fond of this guy. "Goodnight Peter Pan." 

Louis snuggles his head into Harry's chest. 

"Night Wendy!" He whispers before they drift off. 

 

_So you can keep me_

_Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans_

_Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet_

_You won't ever be alone_

 

**_ages 18 and 21_ **

Today's the last day that Louis' in the UK for a couple of months. He's headed straight into the North American leg of his worldwide stadium tour. Louis' just napping on the sofa next to Harry, head resting on his thighs, leaving the younger boy to reflect on the past few months that they've been seeing each other.

It's been a roller-coaster. Sometimes when Louis and Harry are out in public together, Harry forgets exactly how intense Louis' level of fame is. Especially since he's just come out as gay, making him the youngest musical artist in the industry ever to come out. The amount of speculation that there is about a relationship between the two of them in astonishing seeing as they aren't technically a real couple. 

They're so important to one another, yes, and there's definitely some feelings there, but they just haven't properly talked about where they stand with one another yet. It's quite complicating to their friends, because one day they'll have their tongues down each other's throats and one will stay the night, and then others they're platonic bro dude pal friends who have _never_ slept together. The problem is that Harry doesn't even know what he wants now. They've basically fallen back into the 'friends with benefits' state that they were in when they were younger but that didn't end well, did it? Harry was mopey and alone for _weeks_ trying to sort out his feelings when Louis left. On top of that, Harry doesn't even know if he feels the same way he did then about Louis now. The sex is good-it's great, but it's just an added problem to the long list concerning them.

Even if Louis' out of the closet, Louis has to be really careful about his interactions with Harry since he's openly gay too. Harry would be fine with fan speculation, he's even tried to tell Louis this when he was freaking out about 'Larry Stylinson', his fan base's couple name for the two. But Louis flat out reassured Harry that he didn't want people to think that they were dating. Their whole situation leaves Harry very confused. Their other friends don't even _try_ to keep up with it.

Speaking of friends, Zayn and Liam finally shut up and became a couple. Niall and Barbara the bartender have been together for a while now too, and Harry needs to make a mental note _not_ to sleep at home when she's over. Because loud. (They're still in the honeymoon phase.)

Louis startles Harry's train of thought when he stretches his body out and groans. 

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Harry says, grin plastered on his face. Louis looks absolutely adorable. Especially once he puts his glasses on. 

"Shut up, Harold. Jet lag is going to suck." Louis says. 

"It better, seeing as nobody else is gonna be there to suck you." Harry jokes. 

Louis rolls his eyes. "That was terrible, love. You're lucky you're cute."

Harry runs his hand through Louis' silky smooth hair and presses a kiss onto his forehead. He stands up and walks to the door, putting on his shoes. He better leave now, it will be really difficult to have Louis gone for a couple months-he might as well start practicing now.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where do you think you're going?" Louis says, standing up and following him. 

"Home?" Harry suggests. 

"Why though? I want to spend time with you!" Louis drops down to the floor and clings to Harry's leg like a koala bear. Harry really tries not to find it too endearing. 

"I have stuff to do at home, Lou. Please let me leave." Harry says dully. Puzzled, Louis gets up off the floor and adjusts his sweatpants. 

"I don't understand why you won't just stay here another hour until you come with me to the airport. It's literally pointless. It'll take 20 minutes to get to your flat and 20 minutes to get back on time. That means you only have 20 minutes to chill at home when you can just stay here and have fun with me before I don't see you for three months." Louis argues. 

Harry sighs. "Is it terrible that I just don't want to be here right now?" he snaps. 

Louis steps back at Harry's sudden change of light, tension in the room evident. They don't ever fight. _Ever_. Louis' jaw clenches.

"Why are you being so _selfish_?" Louis says in an icy tone. 

"Me, selfish? You're the one who wants me here for your own personal use. I don't want to be here and you won't respect that."

"Use. What the fuck are you going on about-I really don't understand the way your brain works sometimes. _You're_ the one going home when you literally don't need to be there!" Louis yells. 

"Fuck off Lou." Harry retaliates. "What are we even going to do within the next hour that's so important? Oh yeah, sex. I forgot."

Louis stomps his foot. "Don't pull that card, Harry." 

"We both know that that's the only reason you want me here for. _" Lies._

 _"Fine"_ Louis whispers after a long pause. "If it's that big of a deal to you then maybe we should just call it off." 

"If that's what you want, sure. I'll be back to pick you up in an hour."  Harry quietly leaves Louis' house and tries to figure out what the hell he's actually going to do within the next hour. 

Okay, maybe Harry admits that that was a little bit harsh, seeing as Louis is leaving for three months to be alone with a bunch of crew members he isn't very close with. But Harry got really angry, okay? He was tired of feeling like he was in a one sided relationship (if that). He wasn't even angry about the sex thing, he was just frustrated and confused. 

The car ride to the airport later that day was tense, awkward, and Harry's never felt more guilty in his life. Louis looked absolutely broken and torn. 

They once again never did say goodbye. 

 

"Mate, what's the deal?" Liam says to Harry when they get a minute alone in the kitchen of his and Niall's flat. "You've been off all week." 

Harry shrugs it off. "I don't know." He does know is the thing, and he needs advice about it, but he really is stubborn. 

Liam sighs and pulls up a chair at the table next to Harry. Liam stares at him. 

"Cut the crap. It's about Louis, isn't it?" Liam says.

Another thing is Harry's really shit at lying, so Liam knows straight away that he's right. 

"Listen-I know he's gone, and you're probably all sexually frustrated but-"

"It's that, Liam." Harry presses. "The fact that everyone thinks that-that it's just about the sex!" 

Liam doesn't understand right away. But then his eyes widen and then he does. 

"So there's still feelings there." Liam says slowly, being very gentle with Harry. 

Harry nods and then catches himself. "I-I don't _know_ , Liam. Every single time we're together he literally confirms that we're only friends when I know that we aren't. We aren't friends with benefits because I've done that before and it hadn't quite hurt like this when it was over." 

There is pure confusion and curiosity in Liam's eyes. "It's over?" Liam asks softly. 

Harry furiously runs his hands through his hair and groans. "We called it off right before he left." 

"Why?"

"I yelled at him and told him that all he wanted me for was sex-and I know it isn't, but sometimes it feels that way, you know? And it doesn't seem fair to me, who's always loved him to have to watch him go out of his way to tell me that we're best friends and that he doesn't want people to speculate about us." 

And there it is. Harry loves him. Making this a pure case of unrequited love. 

"Let daddy Payne tell you a little story, my love." Liam says, patting on his lap for Harry to come and cuddle. Harry tries not to giggle at the nickname, but he gives in and cuddles into Liam's lap. "Zayn and I. Best friends forever, right? Until one day we got completely pissed-at a party last year. We slept together of course. But it took that one night for me to realize that I really did want to be with Zayn. And what did I do? I moped like you for an entire year, Harry. A _year_! Zayn and I would only sleep together when we were drunk and then he would absolutely refuse to talk about it when we were sober. And then last month, you know what I did? I told him that I love him and that I really want to try it out, being with him. I've never seen Zayn any happier in all the years I've known him."

Harry wrinkles his nose. "That's good for you, and I'm happy for you lot. But it's so different with Louis and I. We have so much history and he's a celebrity. I love him so much but it's just not going to work." he whines. "It would be better if we were still in Holmes Chapel, then we could properly be together without him wanting to hide us from the world."

"Harry, do you really believe he thinks that?" Liam asks pointedly. 

"Believes what?" Harry asks, bemused. 

"That he wants to hide you from the world. Do you believe that?" 

Harry takes a few seconds. "Well yeah, I mean every time I bring up Larry Stylinson or if somebody else does he gets all panicky, says we're only friends and that there isn't anything going on."

"Babe, have you ever considered that maybe he's just paranoid of what you think and doesn't want to scare you away?"

And well, maybe Harry's never thought of it that way. Coming to think of it, when he had first asked Louis about Larry, Harry was laughing about it because he thought it was really funny that Louis' had come up with a name for them and everything. Maybe Louis had taken it the wrong way and then felt the need to assure Harry that they were just friends and that his fans are crazy. 

"If there's one thing I know about Louis, it's that he loves you so much. You're his favorite person in the world and you need to do something about it." Liam adds. "Are the two of you still talking?" 

Harry shakes his head. 

"And look how far that's gotten you. Call him." Harry considers it, and then nods. 

"Thanks Li. You're amazing." Harry says, planting a wet kiss of his cheek and walking towards the door. 

"No problem love." he says. "Hey!" 

"Yeah?" Harry replies from the door.

"Talk to him." 

"I will." he smiles. 

 

Harry's flight to Toronto was pretty peaceful. He'd never been to Canada, so the whole experience of getting there was pretty amazing. 

The first thing Harry realizes about the place is that there are Louis fans _everywhere._ Harry's been recognized five times already and had to take pictures with five different Larry Stylinson fans outside on the streets of Toronto. Problem is that when Harry finally gets to the venue of the concert, it's already started. He has a word with security to help him get in.

And that's how Harry finds himself alone in a box at the stadium with Louis' family watching the performance. It isn't awkward at all. They've seen each other on Louis' birthday and Christmas when everyone went back to Holmes Chapel to celebrate. But this is a little bit different, because Harry's literally alone with them and Louis' younger sisters are each asking him all kinds of weird questions that Jay has them apologize for. (Are you and Louis in love? You guys kiss a lot, right? Are you going to go on a date with him soon? Why aren't you answering my questions?) 

The concert is amazing. Louis' voice is so empowering yet delicate and he's a complete showstopper. He interacts with the fans a lot and is absolutely hilarious. Harry absolutely loves all of his new songs because they sound so good on him and they're so relatable. 

"Have any of you ever been in love?" Louis asks the audience as he settles down with a guitar on the stage. The crowd goes wild. "Me too. Well actually, I'm in love right now."

Harry's heart stops.

"Me and a buddy, uh. Ed Sheeran? I don't know if any of you have heard of him, but. The guy's so talented; he helped me create this new song of mine and I really want your opinion on it."

Harry isn't breathing. 

Louis strums on the chords of his guitar a couple of times and then he stops to speak once again. "This song is about my favourite boy in the world. I don't think he knows quite how much I love him but ever since we met all those years ago, he's been my number one." He strums again. "I get so nervous-there's butterflies in my tummy every time we kiss. I've been getting them ever since I was eight years old because of him." Louis smiles at the ground and Harry's heart keeps fluttering inside of his chest. The entire crowd is blocked out from Harry's mind. Louis doesn't even know that Harry's there-that he'll always be there. The look in Louis' eyes is one of complete adoration, as far as Harry can tell, and it's the exact expression that Harry is told he gets when he's thinking of Louis. Those butterflies; Harry has them too. Just like the first time they met at that wedding all of those years ago, like the first time they kissed, the first time they slept together and all the times they've been intimate. Just like every single moment that they're together or apart, the butterflies are there. "This is Photograph." Louis properly beings to play the guitar this time and sings.

The song is amazing. It perfectly describes the feeling of falling in love and wanting to fight for it even though it's difficult. Louis' voice fits it seamlessly and he looks so completely into it the whole entire time. 

" _And if you hurt me_

_Well, that's okay baby, only words bleed_

_Inside these pages you just hold me_

_And I won’t ever let you go_ _._ "  

By the end of the song, there are silent tears streaming Harry's face and Louis' family members are all just staring at him in anticipation.

Jay puts her head on his shoulder and wraps her arms around his middle. 

"He loves you so much, baby cakes." she says through Harry's tears. "I just want you to know that."

 

After the concert, Harry is patiently waiting for Louis in his dressing room so that they can see each other. The lights are dim and Harry is nervous, has nothing planned to say but if it's meant to be, it'll happen right and he knows that. He's still got tears on his cheeks and he's shaking from the intensity of it all. He's wearing one of Louis' jumpers that he left at his flat all those weeks ago and it probably looks ridiculous on him because of the size of it, but whatever. Harry's sappy, in love and proud.

Louis walks in looking completely frazzled, obviously not thinking Harry would be there. 

This feels a Ross and Rachel and moment. Like in the movies. Louis is staring at him in awe. 

It takes a few moments until someone finally does anything. Louis and Harry both step closer so that they're face to face. Harry goes for it, he cups Louis' face im his hands and kisses him right on the mouth with so much force. They pull away for a moment but Louis initiates the next kiss by pulling him in and pressing him up against the table. Harry knocks a glass of water down. 

"Oops." He mumbles. Louis dives into his mouth and they kiss hungrily. Harry's hands travel down to the back of Louis' thighs and they hitch him up so that Louis' legs are wrapped around Harry's hips. The moment is so heated and they kiss through it up until they're breathless. Louis' right hand combs through Harry's curls and he smiles at him with all of the love in the world. 

"Hi." he whispers softly. Louis nuzzles his forehead against Harry's like they always do and they both close their eyes, taking in the moment. 

"I love you." Harry says, startling both of their eyes back open. This is the moment where blue meets green. This is the kind of moment that completes Harry's world. Louis' breath hitches and his legs slide back down so that him and Harry are pressed together head to toe. "In a forever kind of way."

Louis starts to giggle and then he kisses Harry harder than ever. When they pull away, Louis looks at him with his crinkly eyes. 

"I love you too, Harry." Louis says, poking the prominent dimple on Harry's cheek. "And I won't stop until forever ends." 

Harry's heart skips a beat at the memory of the first time they met. 

"Peter Pan." Harry says, fondly. 

"You're my Wendy." Louis says against Harry's mouth. 

And now, Harry thinks, they don't need to talk about it right now. They have the rest of their lives together to do that. 

 

_We keep this love in a photograph_

_We made these memories for ourselves_

_Where our eyes are never closing_

_Hearts are never broken_

_And time's forever frozen still_

 

**~FIN~**

 

 

 

 


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